Total Drama Island: To Live And Die Near LA
by Mr. Panama Red
Summary: The story of Courtney, Duncan, Geoff, Bridgette and Gwen as if they lived in a small town near Los Angeles during the 1980's. Takes place between 1980 and 1989. Mostly cannon couples.
1. The Brunch Club

**Well ladies and gentlemen, here's the first chapter of my 80's parody story in the style of my initial 90's parody "Total Drama Island: Living In New York". **

**Now, don't get your hopes up. It probably won't be as good as "TDI: LINY" but I think it could work well. However, if you do like it, I will please ask you to review, since as you know, every author appreciates feedback especially one starting a new project. Thank you very much and…**

**Here goes the chapter…**

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><p><strong>September of 1980. Chotada Falls, a small town near Los Angeles, California. <strong>

"On a Saturday morning, if you're not reading then you probably should be sleeping."

As said by a famous Argentine write, that's what Geoff was thinking as he finally made it on his bike to the school building at 10 AM on that Saturday morning. Well, actually, due to the fact that he barely had a notion of what a book was he was in reality thinking something more along the lines of…

"Dude, I'm like totally sleepy…"

The sentence would have probably gone on longer had it not been for him accidentally being knocked over by a board hitting him the face. Geoff was knocked off his bike when a blonde girl holding a surf board walked round the corner of the street Geoff was riding down and due to the boy's sleepiness he did not see her.

"Oh crap! Are you alright?" She yelled in panic.

Geoff got up quickly, having only a small bruise on his arm from the landing.

"Yeah, I'm cool." He mumbled.

Geoff looked up at the girl and then noticed something. He knew her. He recalled having seen her in the halls and classrooms of Crist Almeth High School before but had never paid much attention to her. She was a tall girl, almost as tall as him and he was 5'8. She had her long, golden blonde hair tied in a large ponytail and the feature of her face the probably drew Geoff's attention the most were her bright, green eyes. Geoff was good at remembering faces (when he wasn't drunk), but wasn't really good at remembering names (drunk or otherwise), so he could not place her name.

"Wait, I know you." The girl said. "You're from my school."

"Yeah, I know you too…uh…"

"Bridgette." The girl finished.

"Bridgette, right." Geoff said. "I'm Geoff."

Bridgette recognized Geoff as well. She'd also seen him around the halls and classes of the school. She also could place his face, but couldn't do so much for his name until he told her.

After picking up his bike, both Geoff and Bridgette walked together the remaining half of the block they had to go through to reach their high school. Once inside they continued with their friendly little chat.

"You surf?" He asked.

"Yeah, a lot." Bridgette answered. "I've been doing it since I was little. You play any sports?"

"Football." Geoff answered. "I'm the school team's Tight End."

"Nice." Bridgette commented.

"So Bridge, why are you in the school on a Saturday morning?" Geoff asked.

The blonde pair stepped in front of the library doors.

"I'm kinda ashamed of it, but I'm here for detention." She answered.

"Huh…I'm here for detention too." Geoff said, surprised.

The library doors opened and the two teens then saw a medium-sized yet imposing figure dressed in a leisure suit stand in front of them.

"…And so are these other three." The figure said with a thick German accent while pointing at three other teens in the library.

The figure was Principal Abe Rolf Hilter. Principal Hilter was a tall, considerably chubby man of 91 years old. Sure he was covered in wrinkles, his hair was almost entirely grey and his toothbrush mustache was incredibly outdated but he was in an almost perfect shape and could still do things that people thirty years younger than him couldn't. He wore a 70's styled leisure suit and he always wore a sign that said "I'm Not Hitler" around his neck, which gave people great relief since the sign proved to them that they were indeed not standing right in front of Adolf Hitler.

The other teens that Principal Hilter pointed too were a brunette girl of caramel colored skin and a preppy, conservative outfit sitting on a chair and reading a book; a guy with a bright green mohawk dressed in a metalhead's outfit who was lounging on one of the library's wheeled chairs and a pale girl in a Goth outfit who had her black hair dyed with strips of teal and was drawing something on a sketch pad she was holding.

"Step inside you two." Principal Hilter said. "Schnell."

Geoff and Bridgette did as instructed and stepped into the library. They took seats on the same table as the brunette girl and looked at Principal Hilter as he began to speak.

"Attention!" The Principal exclaimed. "Very well, you all know why you are here. Sie befinden sich hier für ihre missetaten bestraft werden. Du birst in diessem raum bleiben..."

"Excuse me, sir." The brunette said. "What?"

Then the principal realized he'd been speaking a different language.

"Oh, sorry." He apologized. "What I meant to say is that you are all here to be punished for your wrongdoings and that you will not leave this room until detention is over at 2 PM. I will be in my office down the hall so if I here any ruckus I will come down. Plus, Janitor Hughes will be popping in every now and then to check on you."

"You know I have a first name right." Janitor Hughes said. "It's John."

"Sure, whatever." The Principal said, dismissing the janitor. "Any questions?"

"Yeah." The punk said. "Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?"

"Ruhig, du dreckiger Jude!" Principal Hilter yelled. "Now, I will go. Don't make a sound!"

The Principal stormed off while Janitor Hughes remained behind and mused to himself.

"'Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe?'" Hughes quoted. "That's a funny line. Maybe I could use it in one of my movies. Hell, maybe I can use this whole premise. Yes, a bunch of teens get detention a Saturday morning and while they are together in the school library they develop friendships, loves and a worthy sense of self. It's brilliant! I shall call it…'_Inception_'!"

Janitor Hughes immediately stormed out of the library and off to his storage closet, where he kept a typewriter.

The five teens were left in silence. They remained mostly in silence for the next ten minutes. Geoff tried to start conversation but was mostly ignored. He settled for talking quietly with Bridgette while the other three sulked in their loneliness.

However, after ten minutes had passed, the punk drew a switchblade and much to the astonishment of everybody else in the room he began to throw it in the air and catch it with one hand without getting injured. He kept doing this for several minutes until finally somebody got irritated enough to interject.

"Will you cut that out?" The brunette exclaimed, irritated.

"Why?"

"Because it's freaking me out." She answered.

"So? You're not the one in danger here." The punk replied.

"Yes, but it still puts me on edge." The girl said. "So cut it out."

"You get scared when somebody else is knife swinging." The punk said, mockingly. "You are such a chicken."

"I am not!" The preppie girl screeched.

"OK, prove it."

The punk threw the knife at the table the prep was sitting on. The blade struck the table and got stuck on it, which freaked the brunette girl, prompting everybody else to giggle save for the punk who straight out cackled.

The girl scowled fiercely and then picked up the knife. She prepared herself and then flicked the knife into the air. Suddenly, time slowed down and all the other four teens looked fixedly at the brunette's face of determination as she stared with deep concentration at the upgoing blade. Once it reached its peak, gravity took effect and the knife began to fall towards the girl. The metal tool/weapon plunged downwards, spinning slowly as the universe ran at half its regular speed…that is until the brunette actually realized that a knife was falling towards her and time sped up again as she shrieked and leaped out of the way before the knife hit the seat of the chair where she was previously seating.

A fraction of a second passed in silence until the other four teens burst out laughing at the brunette girl's terrified reaction. Initially the girl scowled at her fellow detention mates but her face soon lightened up and she began to giggle. Seconds later she had joined in the general laughter that echoed across the room.

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><p>"So what are you guys in for?" The punk, named Duncan asked.<p>

"I got detention because I skipped class to surf." Bridgette answered.

"You skipped class to surf?" Duncan asked, curious.

"Well, I didn't really skip. I just forgot it was Wednesday. I thought it was Saturday and just went out to surf." Bridgette said, blushing in embarrassment.

"That's pretty damn stupid." Duncan said.

"Oh chill out, dude." Geoff said in a mellow tone. "Everybody mistakes the days of the week sometimes."

"Yeah but not for a whole day." Duncan objected.

"OK, what are you in here for, Mr. Badman?" Bridgette asked sassily.

"I spray painted Principal Hilter's car pink." Duncan asked, struggling to hold back his laughter.

"You did that?" Geoff asked, laughing hysterically.

Duncan nodded and both boys burst out into laughter.

"I saw that! My whole class saw that while we were doing gym! It was so freakin' cool; the principal was freaking out!" Geoff exclaimed.

"I like my work to be noticed." Duncan said proudly. "What are you in for, Geoff?"

"I got detention because I started a rave inside a classroom when the teacher left me in charge for five minutes when he went to make a photocopy." Geoff answered.

"You started a rave in five minutes?" Bridgette asked.

"I'm a pretty big party animal." Geoff said with a proud grin.

"Yeah, I remember going to one of your parties." Duncan said. "You were stone cold wasted in five minutes and tried to dive into your pool but accidentally landed into a glass of water."

"That's physically impossible." The brunette, better known as Courtney objected.

"Well maybe he didn't go into it." Duncan corrected. "I don't know, I was pretty fucking drunk."

Duncan turned to Courtney again.

"What are you in here for, gorgeous?"

"It's none of your business." Courtney proclaimed.

"Oh come on, Courtney." Bridgette said. "We all said it. Now it's your turn."

Courtney sighed.

"Fine, if you have to know…I knocked out some of my opponent's teeth on debate class because she insulted me during a debate over illegal immigration." Courtney explained.

"You knocked out her teeth?" Geoff repeated, shocked.

"His teeth and yes, I did." Courtney said.

"Apart from it being totally awesome and somehow a little arousing, it really shows you have a little temper problem, Princess." Duncan said, giving her a faux-scolding.

"Don't call me that! Besides, it was totally justified after what he called me!" Courtney exclaimed.

"What could possibly make it fair for you to permanently disfigure his jaw?" Duncan asked, incredulous.

"He called me a 'spic'." Courtney retorted, angrily.

Then, astonished silence filled the room.

"Oh, nasty." Duncan said. "Sorry, I didn't know that."

"Doesn't matter." Courtney said.

"Immigration problems are really tense nowadays." Bridgette said.

"Yeah, I bet they'll never get worse than they are now." Geoff said.

"Especially with Mexico, things will never get more tense than now with Mexico over immigration. Plus, I think that immigration laws couldn't possibly much harsher." Bridgette added.

"Never." Geoff concluded.

"Wait, why did he call you a 'spic'?" Duncan asked.

"Because I'm of Mexican heritage." Courtney pointed out, not understanding how Duncan didn't pick up on it.

"Really? I did not notice that." Duncan said.

"How could you not notice?"

"How could I?"

"Well, my skin tone, the fact that I've spoken flawless Spanish many times since we got here and the fact that my last name is 'Rodríguez'." Courtney pointed out, still incredulous to Duncan's obliviousness about her ethnicity.

"Oh right." Duncan said, realization finally dawning over him.

The detentionees turned to their final partner, the goth girl (a.k.a. Gwen). Gwen had barely spoken since the whole dialogue started; in fact, she'd only talked once to give her name.

"What about you, Gwen?" Geoff asked.

Gwen looked up from her sketchbook and looked over the four teens staring at her.

"I got detention for turning over a very much…'vaginal' art project." Gwen replied.

"What do you mean by 'vaginal'?" Courtney asked.

"It was a drawing of a vagina." Gwen replied bluntly.

The group was befuddled until Bridgette spoke up.

"Wait a minute; I've heard something about you, Gwen." Bridgette said. "You were the girl who got suspended for making out in Mr. Zism's office with…with Dawn Cranston."

"Wait, you're a…?"

"Lesbian?" Gwen said, finishing Courtney's question. "No, not really. I'm bisexual."

Immediately, a little streak of blood came from Geoff's nose and he passed out. Bridgette quickly jogged over to him and gave him CPR, which quickly revived the stunned and confused party boy.

"Huh. So why'd you make out with another girl _in a teacher's office_?" Courtney asked, incredulous.

"It was the heat of the moment." Gwen said. "I'd been crushing on her for a while and when the opportunity turned up I took it."

"That's pretty sweet." Bridgette said.

"More like hot!" Duncan exclaimed.

Courtney and Gwen simultaneously punched Duncan in opposite shoulders.

"Ow!" He exclaimed.

"Stop making fun of people's feelings!" The two girls said in unison.

They then looked at each other and smiled.

"I think we are going to get along well." Gwen said.

"I think we will." Courtney answered back.

"Still sucks that we got detention for something so unfair." Gwen said.

"What do you mean?" Bridgette asked.

"Well, I like women so I painted about what I liked but they gave me detention for it." Gwen explained. "They essentially gave me detention for liking girls."

"And they gave me detention for punishing somebody's racism." Courtney groaned. "That's also unfair."

"You know, maybe we can get back at this little school for that." Duncan said.

"How?"

"By pranking our dear Principal." Duncan said.

"I hardly think that will bring justice, Duncan." Bridgette said.

"Yeah but it will bring revenge against the jackass principal." Duncan said.

"Good enough for me." Gwen said.

"Me too." Geoff and Courtney added.

"Fine." Bridgette concluded.

"Alright, I have a plan." Duncan said. "But first I'm going to need some paint, a couple fire extinguishers and some tools."

"I can get paint from my locker." Gwen said.

"We could easily pull the fire extinguishers from the halls." Geoff added.

"There's some tools in the second floor supplies closet." Courtney said.

"Yeah but how are we going to get into the supply closet?" Gwen asked. "It's always locked."

"As class president I have keys to all doors in the school except for the teacher's offices." Courtney said.

The prep reached into her coat and pulled out a large set of keys.

"You are resourceful, Princess." Duncan said, impressed.

"Don't call me that." Courtney scolded. "…And thank you."

"Alright, let's go get that stuff." Duncan said.

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><p><strong>12 PM.<strong>

Principal Hilter re-entered the library to check up on the children. He had intended to check on them earlier but he had fallen asleep in his office while watching "_Happy Days_", which had gotten boring in recent times.

Upon entering, the first thing he noticed was that the teenagers were no longer there. The angry Austrian man lumbered around the library, looking for the detentionees and cursing loudly in his native tongue. He didn't find the teens but he did find a red ink note in Duncan's sloppy, uneven handwriting that read:

"Went looking for hookers in L.A. Back by 2 PM."

An enraged Hilter wouldn't stand for it so he tore up the paper and ran over to the school parking lot. He decided he would find those children and drag them back to the school himself. He lumbered over to his car, which was still pink because Duncan had used extra-resistant spray paint and opened the front door.

After he took the driver's seat, the Principal put the keys on the ignition and upon turning them the front of the steering wheel where the airbag was popped open and instead of the airbag, a spray of compressed nitrogen foam shot all over him. The principal coughed and yelled angrily before shuffling out of his car and storming over to the front of the car. He pulled open the hood and accidentally tore out a string, starting a timer and igniting a ticking sound.

However, he did not initially realize the ticking noise was present because he was sprayed with yet another shot of compressed nitrogen foam. Principal Hilter backed off from his car until the spray of nitrogen foam stopped flowing and then returned to check his engine. It was at that point that he noticed the ticking sound.

He looked around his engine to see where it came from and as the ticking grew louder and faster he still couldn't find it…that is until he looked at the underside of his car's hood. There he saw a small package attached with tape. The ticking suddenly stopped and while he looked at the package, it suddenly exploded, letting forth a huge wave of red paint that sprayed all over the front of the principal's body.

Principal Hilter yelled in exasperation and threw a brief tantrum before collapsing on the floor out of frustration, almost reduced to tears.

From inside the school building, the five detention inflicted students watched the sight with pure joy. They burst into laughter and mocked their authoritarian principal as he became the butt of a very humiliating slapstick prank.

"How did you do all of that, dude?" Geoff asked.

"I'm good with cars." Duncan said. "Older brother taught me."

"We should get back to the library and pretend we only left for a minute." Gwen said.

"Did you finish rigging the security cameras, Princess?" Duncan asked.

"It'll be like we only left for a minute when he came to look for us." Courtney replied. "…And don't call me that."

"You know you love it." Duncan said.

"Whatever."

"This was pretty fun guys." Bridgette said.

"We should hang out together more." Geoff suggested.

"Yeah." Gwen, Courtney and Duncan replied.

…And hang out together more they most certainly did.

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><p><strong>Alright, there's the first chapter and I'd like your opinion. <strong>

**It's a very clear homage to the classic 1985 teen comedy "The Breakfast Club" by John Hughes. **

**Regarding the setting, I made it a small time close to L.A., so it's a compromise. A lot of the events will take place in the small town (less than half an hour away from the big city) and a lot will take place in the ironically named city of angels.**

**Please review.**

**Gracias Totales,  
><strong>**Mr. Panama Red.**


	2. Everybody Have Fun Tonight

**Ok ladies and gentlemen, this is the second chapter of the story ****and it would be heavily appreciated if you could review. Anyway…**

**Here goes the chapter…**

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><p><strong>Friday the 15<strong>**th**** of October, 1980. 3:30 PM. California, Chotada Falls, A hallway in Crist Almeth High School.**

"That guy is crazy." Heather said.

"Mr. Hand?" Courtney asked. "No. He's firm but fair."

"You say that because you ace everything and he treats you like a God fucking priceless jewel." Heather groaned.

"Language Heather." Courtney scolded.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Courtney and Heather made their way out of Mr. Hand's history class and towards their lockers in one of the many dull hallways in their school.

Heather was, unlike Courtney, a very nasty girl. She was cruel to most people in the school, in fact, the only person she really wasn't nasty to was Courtney. Nobody was certain why. Most people just assumed it was because she was a conceited and haughty snob who needed to push others down to make herself feel better, but Courtney knew otherwise, since she'd been friends with Heather her whole life and knew that Heather hadn't been like that before.

Courtney believed that it was Heather's love life that made her be bitchy. Heather could never find a guy she liked and was always dating different guys. Once again, most people assumed it was because she was a whore, but Courtney knew otherwise.

Despite her overall nastiness, Heather was still one of the most popular girls in school because of her looks. She was a tall girl with a very slim figure and despite her Asian ancestry she had a fairly decent C-cup bust. Her stern face went up to a small forehead and then to beautiful, long, black hair which reached her middle back.

The two girls opened their lockers and began to browse through their stuff, finding what they would need for the weekend and leaving what they wouldn't.

"So Courtney, wanna hang out at my place tonight?" Heather asked.

"Actually Heather, I can't." Courtney said apologetically. "I'm hanging out with Gwen and Bridgette tonight."

"Again?" Heather groaned. "You've been hanging out with them every Friday for a month."

"Well, they are my new friends and I really like them." Courtney said.

"But Friday nights were our nights." Heather said.

"Well, that's because we didn't really have any other friends before I met them." Courtney said.

"What about Trisha, Milly and Kristen?" Heather asked.

"I couldn't consider them my friends as much as I could consider them your bootlickers." Courtney replied, closing her locker door.

"Bootlickers, friends…it's all the same." Heather countered. "Bootlickers are even better. They agree with everything you say, they get you stuff and in Kristen's case they really do lick your boots."

"I don't think so, Heather." Courtney said. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'll hang out with you tomorrow. OK?"

"Fine." Heather sighed in defeat.

Courtney waved her friend goodbye and walked off.

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><p><strong>8 PM. Charles Guiteau Boulevard, Bridgette's House.<strong>

"Popcorn's ready." Bridgette announced as she re-entered her room.

Courtney, Gwen and the blonde girl were all in their pajamas in Bridgette's room, preparing to watch the screening of "_Kramer vs. Kramer_" that would soon play on TV. However, as soon as they turned on the TV, the image of a man who was not Dustin Hoffman appeared on the screen.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." The man said. "Due to some technical complications involving our copy of the movie '_Kramer vs. Kramer_' and a flaming arrow, we will not be able to screen the film '_Kramer vs. Kramer_' here today. Instead, we will give you a screening of Wes Craven's 'On The Meaning of Existence and Human Essence'. Enjoy."

"Boooring!" Gwen said and turned off the TV.

"Now what do we do?" Courtney asked.

"I know, how about we make a couple prank calls?" Gwen suggested rhetorically.

"I don't know, Gwen." Bridgette said.

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun. I've done it millions of times. Nobody ever finds out." Gwen said.

"We shouldn't and we won't." Courtney said.

"Why not?"

"Because it's wrong. You can't disturb people in their homes like that for a stupid prank." Courtney said.

"Come on, Courtney. Live a little." Gwen said. "I'll show you."

The goth stood up and went over to the phone next to Bridgette's bed. Her parents had allowed Bridgette her own phone line because they knew she used it responsibly, which only made Bridgette feel guiltier about letting Gwen use it for a prank call.

"You are so nasty, Gwen." Courtney said, disappointed.

"I don't see you trying to stop me." Gwen told Courtney while dialing a random number.

Gwen held the receiver to her ear and waited for a voice to answer on the other end.

"Hello?"

"Hi, am I talking with the house of Hugh Jass?" Gwen asked.

"Oh, a fucking prank caller, huh?" The man on the other end of the line asked. "Well frock you whore! I'm gonna track you down and fucking kill you, bitch! Fuck off! I'll come get ya, ya cockfucking cunt!"

By the time the man hung up, Gwen's expression was one of absolute astonishment and shock. Bridgette and Courtney looked at her fixedly.

"So?" Bridgette asked.

"Um…He didn't fall for it…" Gwen said, understating. "Let's do something else…like locking all the windows and doors."

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><p><strong>10<strong>** PM. Samuel Byck Drive, Geoff's House.**

"This party is fucking awesome!" Duncan yelled.

"Totally!" Geoff yelled back.

"Geoff had the reputation, both famous and infamous, of being a massive party animal. It was infamous around concerned parents and teachers who did not like the excesses that normally went on in teenage parties and was considered famous by all the teens and young adults who went to the parties to have a wild night, as well as the cops who could get free booze and pot after they repeatedly broke down his parties.

Geoff and Duncan were in the heart of one of those parties when the previous dialogue occurred. Duncan hadn't drunk too much that night, because he wanted to pick up a girl and get laid, which he was best at when sober. Geoff on the other hand, had more booze than blood at the moment.

"Dude, fourth party this month!" Geoff exclaimed. "…And the cops haven't busted us down once this month!"

"Do they bust you a lot?" Duncan asked.

"All the time!"

"Dude…so awesome." Duncan said. "I like you more now, man."

"I like you more now too, Sylvester." Geoff said.

"What?"

"I loved you on "_Rocky_", man." Geoff said, in a slurred drunken voice.

"Shitfaced this early, huh?" Duncan commented. "New record, Geoff."

"OK, Sylvester. I'll talk to you later." Geoff said. "There's Sigourney Weaver over there. I'm gonna go talk to her."

Geoff promptly walked towards a mounted horse's head on the wall.

Duncan snickered at his friend's drunkenness and headed the other way. He eventually caught glance of a target. A girl with long, black hair, a pale complexion and a tube top so small it practically said "Open for business".

Duncan analyzed the girl and realized that she was very drunk. Not only that but she was 'forget me' drunk, which meant she'd gotten drunk to forget about something troubling her. Now Duncan was not an expert on women's emotions, but he was an expert on how to score with drunken chicks and he knew that in this particular state, a woman was as easy to get into as a public bathroom.

Duncan marched over to her.

"Hey babe." He said, leaning confidently on a wall.

"I know you wanna fuck me and most nights I would punch you in your butt ugly face." The girl slurred drunkenly. "…But now I want somebody to really give it to me."

The girl grabbed Duncan's shirt collar and gave him a long, sloppy kiss. The boy didn't mind the smell and bitter taste of alcohol overflowing from her breath or the sloppy way she kissed him, he was just happy that he was gonna tap some ass that night.

They at first tried to find somebody in Geoff's house to do it, but no room was available, so Duncan led her out to his car, which was parked outside so they could do it there.

"What's your name?" She asked while she took off her tube top.

"Duncan." He answered.

"Don't you wanna know mine?" She asked while he kissed her neck.

"Not really."

The girl pushed him off herself and in her last remainders of sobriety glared angrily.

"What's your name?" Duncan asked bitterly.

"Heather." She replied before Duncan pounced on her again.

* * *

><p><strong>10<strong>**:15 PM. Bridgette's House.**

"I've always wanted to be a painter." Gwen said.

"Really?" Bridgette asked.

"Yeah, I've always loved painting." Gwen said.

"If I remember correctly, painting was what got you into detention a month ago." Courtney said, teasingly.

"It wasn't the painting, it was just that Miss Chrome was intimidated by my sexuality." Gwen said.

"No, I'm pretty sure it was the painting." Courtney said. "I saw it and it's a disturbing painting."

"Well, I'm into surrealism." Gwen said. "But you can still tell it was a vagina."

"A very scary looking vagina." Courtney commented.

"Whether you find it appealing is beside the point." Gwen said. "What matters is the interpretation you make of it."

"What do you want to be, Courtney?" Bridgette asked.

"A lawyer and then a politician." Courtney said. "I will be America's first woman president."

"Boring." Gwen said.

Courtney gave her a death glare.

"Well, if you must know…I've also wanted to be a, well…a musical comedy performer." Courtney said, as if confessing to something embarrassing.

"Really?" Gwen asked, very surprised.

"Yes. Ever since I saw Patti LuPone on "_Evita_" I've wanted to sing on Broadway." Courtney admitted. "I even auditioned for the school musical last year."

"Did you get it?" Bridgette asked.

"No." Courtney answered. "I performed excellently, but the director had a 'problem' with my 'attitude'."

"I can see his point." Gwen snickered, obtaining one of Courtney's infamous death glares.

"But don't worry; I got back at him in the end." Courtney announced proudly.

"How?" Bridgette asked.

"I went over to the school parking lot and sung a note so high it broke all his car's windows, lighting glasses and rear view mirrors." Courtney said.

"You were the one who trashed Mr. DeBris's car?" Gwen asked, now very surprised.

Courtney nodded.

"He had it coming." She said.

"I have new respect for you." Gwen said. "But what about all that 'breaking thing is wrong because it's against the law' thin of yours."

"The law is only as good as it's fair and I think wrecking a guy's car because he ignored your talent due to your perhaps complicated work attitude is fair enough, so it should be legal." Courtney explained.

"Good enough reasoning for me." Gwen said. "Bridgette, where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall, third door to the left from here." Bridgette explained.

"Thanks." Gwen said.

The goth girl headed down the hall towards the bathroom, but was stopped when the hallway phone rang. The goth girl picked up the call as a reaction, since she always answered at her house, because her brother was too lazy, and listened to the other end.

"Hello?" She asked.

"Listen to me you little slut, I've been tracking down your number and I am going to make you fucking pay for prank calling me you dumb whore!" The voice on the other end yelled. "I am gonna rip out your ovaries and strangle you with your own fallopian tubes before I gouge out your eyes and make you eat a cani…"

Gwen hung up the phone ad proceeded to bolt back to Bridgette's room. After storming in, she slammed the door behind herself.

"Gwen, what happened?" Bridgette asked. "Who was that?"

"Wrong number." Gwen lied.

"Didn't you have to go to the bathroom?" Bridgette asked.

"Not anymore." Gwen said.

Then the phone rang again and Bridgette reached for the bedroom phone.

"Don't answer that!" Gwen yelled.

"Why not?" Bridgette asked.

"Why do you need a reason?" Gwen said, trying to hide her nervousness. "If a friend asks you for a favor do you really need an explanation?"

Bridgette ignored this and picked up.

"Hi." Bridgette said.

She listened to a voice speak on the other end and turned to Courtney.

"Courtney, it's Duncan." Bridgette said.

"Duncan, what does he want?" Courtney asked.

Bridgette shrugged and passed the phone to Courtney.

"Yes Duncan?" Courtney asked.

"Hey Princess." He said.

"Don't call me that."

"Whatever." Duncan said, irritated. "Listen, I'm at a party here at Geoff' house and I met a girl who's calling out for you."

"What?"

"I met your friend Heather here." Duncan said.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Well, I was trying to bang her in my car…"

"You were trying to bang my friend in a car?" Courtney asked, outraged.

"I didn't know she was your friend." Duncan said. "I would have still banged her anyway, only that it would have been more awkward. Actually, no it wouldn't have, because it pretty much couldn't get more awkward."

"What happened?"

"Well, Heather's a little drunk, which is normally good but now she can't fuck me because she's too sad over some issue she has with you." Duncan said.

"What?"

"Yeah, while we were making out, instead of moaning my name she moaned yours and then started crying while complaining about how you were 'neglecting her'?" Duncan said.

"Jesus." Courtney said. "Where is she?"

"She's still crying in my car." Duncan said. "I think you should take her home and talk to her."

"OK, I'm heading over." Courtney said.

"See ya."

"Bye."

Courtney hung up and turned to her friends.

"Guys, I have to go." Courtney said. "I have to go take my friend Heather home. Bridgette, can I borrow your car?"

"Sure, but it's my mom's, so be extra careful with it." Bridgette said. "The keys are in the little bowl next to the front door."

"OK, I will." Courtney said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

><p><strong>10<strong>**:30 PM. Outside Geoff's House.**

"Hey." Duncan said.

"Hi." Courtney replied, stepping out of Bridgette's mom's car. "Where is she?"

Duncan pointed to the inside of his car, where a now less drunk Heather sat in the passenger seat and was now just sobbing instead of wailing like she'd been doing fifteen minutes prior. Courtney opened the passenger door and looked at her friend.

"Hey Heather." Courtney said.

"Courtney." Heather groaned before pulling her friend into a tight hug.

Heather kept repeating Courtney's name while the Hispanic girl helped her friend get out of Duncan's car and walk up to her borrowed one.

"Thanks for keeping an eye on her." Courtney said.

"No problem." Duncan answered. "I'm gonna head back into the party. Bye."

"Bye."

Courtney led Heather into the passenger seat of her borrowed car and then climbed into the driver's side. Courtney started the car and began to drive off. In five minutes, they arrived to Heather's house.

"You came for me, I knew you would." Heather said, still sobbing.

"Heather, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Then why were you crying?"

"No reason."

"Duncan told me you began to cry and moan something about me." Courtney said. "What was it?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing much." Heather said. "It's just that you canceled out on me to hang out with those two other girls…Gina and Barbie, or what's their names. Whatever…and it's like the eight time this month you've left me for them and we haven't hung out at all in s month but we used to hang out every day and I miss you and I…I…"

At that point Heather broke down and began to cry again. Courtney held back the sadness the sight brought her and instead hugged her friend and rubbed her back calm her down.

"Heather, listen to me." Courtney said. "I'm sorry if I've been hanging out with Gwen and Bridgette too much but they're my new friends and I really like them. Though, I guess you're right, I have been neglecting you a lot recently, I'm sorry."

"Really?" Heather asked.

"Yes, sorry." Courtney said. "You're my best friend Heather and I'd never leave you. It's just that I wanted to spend more time with new friends, but I did leave you behind and once again, I'm sorry. Next week we're hanging out together the whole weekend, OK?"

"Sure."

"Good." Courtney said. "Now let me help you get inside."

"OK Courtney." Heather said. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

><p><strong>11 PM. Outside Bridgette's House.<strong>

Courtney drove Bridgette's mom's car back into Bridgette's house's garage and then got out. She walked into the house and closed the door behind herself.

On the other side of the street, a man looked on at the house.

"OK, whore. Now I'm gonna teach you a lesson about prank calling Freddie Michael Voorhees." The man said.

Mr. Voorhees drew an axe from behind himself and screamed wildly while bolting across the street towards Bridgette's house. Half-way across the street, a black Ford sped through and struck Mr. Voorhees, flinging him across the air and into a nearby open trash container. Once he landed inside it, the lid slammed shut and locked itself, trapping Mr. Voorhees in it until it was opened and its contents (including Voorhees) were poured into a trash collection truck the next morning.

"Did you hear anything, Nancy?" Ronald Reagan asked as he drove down the street in his black Ford.

"For the last time Mr. Reagan, I'm a hooker." The hooker sitting next to Reagan. "And I'm starting to get the thought that you don't even know what a hooker is."

"A what?" Reagan asked.

"Just drop me off in the next corner." The hooker said.

"Why, sure Nancy. Just make sure to make it home before dawn." Reagan said.

"Sure, whatever." The hooker replied.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for taking so long to update.<strong>

**Anyway…**

**PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW. All comments are appreciated!**

**Gracias Totales,  
><strong>**Mr. Panama Red.**


	3. Politics

**Satu****rday the 4****th**** of November, 1980. 6:30 PM. California, Chotada Falls, Leon Czolgosz Street, Duncan's Family's House.**

"Hello, I'm Lianne Forget and we are moments away from learning who will be the next President of the United States." The reporter on TV announced.

Duncan and his parents were sitting on the couch in their living room, staring fixatedly at the television set, waiting for the announcement to be made. Duncan's father was waiting for it because of his genuine semi-interest in politics, Duncan's mother because of her devotion and support for everything her husband did and Duncan because he was waiting for the announcement to be made so he could leave.

"Do I really have to wait until they announce who the fucking president is?" Duncan groaned for the millionth time.

"Duncan, one of those men will be President of our country." Duncan's father said sternly. "You might not care for politics but it's important."

"Sure." Duncan groaned.

"You should show more respect. President Reagan is from this state and we should be proud that such a fine politician is from here." Duncan's father boasted.

"He's not president yet." Duncan commented.

"But he will be…there's no chance Carter is winning again." His father said. "He doesn't have the balls to run this country."

"Whatever." Duncan groaned again before collapsing face first into a pillow out of frustration.

* * *

><p><em>Back in the TV:<em>

"Hello, I'm Richard Burns and I am here in Washington D.C. where in less than a minute we will learn who our Nation's new President is." Reporter Richard Burns said.

Burns was standing in front of the National Congress building, with a gigantic crowd behind him, a crowd which was also waiting for the announcement of new president.

A man emerged from the entrance of Congress and walked up to a podium on the top of the Congress stairs. He paused and then spoke into the microphone.

"…And now ladies and gentlemen, the announcement you've all been waiting for…" The man said.

The crowd leaned in anxiously.

"The new president of the United States of America is…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"…Jimmy Carter."

"Huh?" The crowd said, collectively perplexed.

"PSYCHE!" The man yelled. "Nah, it's Ronald Reagan."

Then the crowd burst into heavy cheering upon hearing the real answer.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Ronald Reagan is the new U.S. President!" Richard Burns yelled. "I'm so happy I'm gonna go snort a whole shitload of coke. Anyone who wants to join me, it's just $20 a person."

Then a message came to Richard through his earpiece.

"I just what of drugs on live TV?" He asked.

Suddenly four FBI agents leaped on top of Richard and began to beat him up severely.

* * *

><p>"Yes!" Duncan's father yelled happily. "See Duncan, I told you that proper and respectable people always triumph. Duncan?"<p>

Duncan's father turned to where Duncan had previously been sitting and saw his son was no longer there. Then he noticed the house's front door was open.

"Aww, damn it!"

* * *

><p><strong>Monday the 6<strong>**th**** of November, 1980. Midday. A hallway in Crist Almeth High School.**

"Remember to vote in the school's presidential election next Friday!" Courtney announced. "…And don't make a wrong choice; vote for Gary Oliver Peterson. The Young Republicans want your vote!"

"The Young Republicans? Seriously Courtney?" Gwen asked as she walked past her friend.

"Yes." Courtney answered. "Why not? We represent the moral heart of American society."

"Bullshit." Gwen said. "Republicans are really moral. Right."

"Are you saying we aren't?"

"Eisenhower, Nixon and Ford." Gwen answered simply.

"They don't count." Courtney said. "They were corrupted. Reagan on the other hand is great. He'll bring a young, fresh, new era for the GOP."

"Reagan will bring in something young?" Gwen said, holding in laughter.

"I do not have to sit here and take this irrational mockery of the greatest politician in this country." Courtney said.

"Sure, he's the greatest politician." Gwen replied. "Because you need to be deceitful, manipulative bastard to be a politician; so you he is the greatest politician."

"What do you know about politics anyway?" Courtney asked in rhetoric condescendence.

"I know quite a lot about politics!" Gwen declared.

"I don't see you getting involved." Courtney said in a sing-song voice.

"Fine! I'm gonna sign up with the Young Democrats right now!" Gwen declared. "…And we're going to kick your prissy Young Republican asses in next week's election!"

"The school's Young Democrats? There somehow even more disorganized than the real Democrats. They couldn't win even if they ran unopposed." Courtney said.

"We'll show you!"

"I'd love to see you try."

* * *

><p><strong>Later that afternoon…4 PM. Crist Almeth High School Young Democrats headquarters (a.k.a. Second Floor Math Class).<strong>

"OK, it doesn't matter that you haven't won a single school election in a decade and a half, or that you don't have an organized structure or that you haven't had a party president in years." Gwen said. "…Because I am going to handle organization now."

"Really?" One of the guys asked.

The school's Young Democrats club was formed by twenty eager young politicians who didn't know shit about organizing a party. They knew their ideologies but they couldn't even put together a pile of rubble.

"Yes." Gwen said. "Now, the election is in two weeks. Every year for nearly the past two decades the Young Douchebags have won…"

"I think they're called the Young Republicans." One of the guys said.

"I'm insulting them."

"I don't think you should do that…"

"I think you should grow a pair." Gwen retorted, making the rest of the Young Dems laugh.

Gwen cleared her throat to attract attention.

"That's called assertiveness." Gwen said. "…And it's something you guys will have to learn about. First order of business. Who's your candidate?"

One of the guys in the back raised his hand. He was a tall, muscular, black guy who wore a white beanie and an olive shirt with an orange "D" on it along with some cargo shorts and some white sneakers.

"It's me." The guy said in a light Jamaican accent. "I'm DJ."

"Great." Gwen said. "Now, why did we pick him?"

"Huh?"

"If you picked him to be candidate it must be for a reason. We have to know that reason and highlight the good aspects of it in our campaign." Gwen said.

"Oh…we didn't pick him." Another guy said. "We drew straws and he got the shortest one."

"So the nomination went to the guy who got lucky?"

"Lucky? No! We were drawing to see who was the poor sap _un_lucky enough to get nominated." The same guy said. "Whoever gets nominated from our party always loses and gets deeply humiliated so nobody wants to do that."

Gwen facepalmed herself.

"We have a lot of work to do." Gwen moaned. "OK. First political lesson…Propaganda."

* * *

><p><strong>The next day. Tuesday the 7<strong>**th**** of November. Midday. Another Hallway in Crist Almeth High School.**

"OK, Young Democrats." Gwen said. "I will now teach you a lesson number one of propaganda."

Gwen had gathered DJ and three other members of the YD to prepare for the campaign.

"Lesson number one: Using people to get the word out." Gwen said. "In most cases you'd get a spin doctor, a guy who will spread around your ideas in a distorted way that makes you look like the sole good guy. However, in high school that doesn't work because people have the attention span of mosquitoes."

"Then how are we gonna use people here?" DJ asked.

"Simple." Gwen said. "With two things: Babes & Bullshit."

"Huh?"

"Let me show you." Gwen said. "Hey Gay Noah!"

A scrawny, short kid of sixteen with an Indian complexion and an everlasting scowl approached the group.

"For the last time, stop calling me that!" Noah grunted.

"But it's true." Gwen said.

"Still wrong." Noah groaned.

"So, since everybody know you're gay you can do anything with any girl and they won't mind." Gwen said.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Interesting."

"Since you can do that, I'd like to ask you for a favor." Gwen said.

"OK."

"I want you to slap this sticker onto Lindsay Gauthier's butt." Gwen explained.

Gwen pulled out a sticker that had the words "Vote for the Young Democrats. We'll allow more revealing clothing in school." printed across it.

"OK, I'll do it." Noah said.

The scrawny kid took the sticker and walked up to Lindsay Gauthier, who was at her locker nearby. Lindsay was broadly considered the hottest girl in the school because of her curvy figure, pretty face and long blonde hair.

Noah approached her, pulled the holder off the sticker and then slapped it onto Lindsay's ass.

"Hey!" The blonde yelled.

She turned around, ready to slap however did that, but then saw it was Noah.

"Oh, hi Gay Noah." She said smiling.

"Hi." Noah said, grunting at the way she addressed him. "Hey, since I'm gay, do you mind going to my house on Friday and posing for some nude pictures so I can sell them as pornography to other students?"

"OK, but only cause you're gay." Lindsay replied.

"Interesting." Noah pondered.

The scrawny kid saw Bridgette approaching and walked over to her.

"Hello Bridgette." He said.

"Oh, hi Gay Noah."

Noah groaned.

"Listen, do you mind going to my house on Friday to pose for some pictures of a pornographic nature so I can sell them to other men?" He asked.

"OK, but only cause you're gay." Bridgette said.

"I think I may have just struck a gold mine." Noah muttered to himself as he walked away.

"OK guys, now we'll move on to lesson number two." Gwen said. "Slander."

* * *

><p><strong>15 minutes later. Young Democrats HQ.<strong>

"OK, slander is one of the most important parts of politics." Gwen said. "If you can't highlight good things about yourself, highlight bad things about your enemies. The Young Republicans and the real Republicans do this all the time. It's what half their advertising budget goes into."

"So how will we slander our enemies?" A guy asked.

"Easy. The best thing you can do is turn your enemy's good qualities into bad ones." Gwen said. "Tell me something good about Gary Oliver Peterson."

"He's good-looking."

"So, we say he's vain." Gwen replied.

"Or gay."

"Oh. Nice." The Democrats agreed.

"Something else." Gwen said.

"He gets a lot of girls." Somebody suggested.

"So we say he's a man-whore." Gwen answered.

"Or a rapist."

"He's smart." Somebody else said.

"So we say he's a nerd." Gwen added.

"Or a Jew."

"OK, who keeps saying that crap?" Gwen asked.

The Young Democrats turned to the back of the room from where the sound had come from and saw two guys. A small, squirmy one with a guilty look and a tall, muscular one who was pretty calm.

"He did. He said that." Said the small one. "Get him!"

The Young Democrats immediately pounced on the tall guy and began to beat him up before throwing him outside their HQ.

"OK, lesson number three is next." Gwen said. "Spreading the fake word of how great we are from mouth to mouth."

* * *

><p><strong>Monday the 13<strong>**th**** of November, 1980. Midday. Crist Almeth High School Cafeteria.**

"Hello Courtney."

"Hello Gwen."

Duncan, Geoff and Bridgette had been sitting in their usual table at the school cafeteria when the two other girls arrived with their lunches.

"Geoff, didn't you have that new skateboard you wanted to show me?" Duncan said, dropping a hint.

"No." Geoff replied puzzled.

"Didn't you have that other thing you wanted to show me so that we can get out of here so we don't have to stand the feud between those two?" Duncan said, not really being subtle about it anymore.

"Oh. Sure."

Geoff and Duncan immediately got up and charged out of the cafeteria, leaving behind their lunches.

"Yeah and I had to do…something…Bye!" Bridgette exclaimed before leaving as well.

"How have you been doing, Gwen?" Courtney asked with the most bitter, sardonic tone one could imagine.

"Fine. Considering that I straightened up the Young Democrats and we've been getting a lot of support." Gwen said, also with sardonic intentions clear.

"Please! Have you seen your candidate?" Courtney laughed. "That softie doesn't have what it takes to run this school."

"Oh, and Preppy McRichkid does?"

"At least my candidate knows about politics!"

"At least mine isn't a stuck up jerk!"

"At least mine isn't a pussy!"

A nearby kid saw what was going on and charged over to their table.

"Catfight!" He yelled.

"What?" Courtney and Gwen exclaimed in unison. "We're not going to have a catfight!"

The kid scowled angrily and then reached into his pants. He pulled out a gun and aimed it at the girls.

"I said…catfight."

Gwen and Courtney looked at each other and then at the guy in doubt, but they did nothing for a moment.

"Ah, fuck it." Gwen said.

The goth girl leaped on top of Courtney and began to fight her while a crowd formed around the raging catfight,

* * *

><p><strong>Friday the 17<strong>**th**** of November, 1980. 2:30 PM. Crist Almeth High School Auditorium.**

"Sehr gut, kinder." Principal Abe Rolf Hilter said over the microphone. "Willkommen in der school president announcement ceremony."

In the audience, Courtney and Gwen looked at each other menacingly while they patted in the back their respective candidates; Gary Oliver Peterson and DJ.

"After a lange vote count, I have managed to come up with ze vinner." Principal Hilter said. "And ze vinner is…"

"Excuse me." A kid in the audience interrupted.

"Vat?" The principal asked.

"What's a 'vinner'?" The kid asked.

The principal sighed.

"Is zis going to lead to a long argument vere I constantly point out that 'vinner' is ze vay I pronounce ze English vord vinner?" The Principal asked.

"What?"

"Vill somebody please punch zat student in ze face so ve can go on?"

The Young Republican candidate, Gary Oliver Peterson proceeded to punch the singled out kid in the face, knocking him out cold.

"Thank you, Mr. Peterson." Principal Hilter said. "Now, ze vinner is…"

Principal Hilter opened the small envelope he had in his hands and read out the written name.

"Noah Hayden!" Principal Hilter called out.

"What?" A whole lot of the audience cried out.

Noah walked up to the stage and stepped in front of the microphone. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Now, this might come as a big shock to a lot of you." Noah said. "But to most of the people in this school it won't."

"How did he win?" Courtney yelled.

"It's an interesting story, Courtney." Noah said. "Last week I realized that since I'm gay, women will let me take pictures of them for motives of a pornographic nature. After discovering this I proceeded to obtain nude pictures of most girls in this school and sold them as cheap pornography to virtually all straight guys in this school."

Courtney attempted to interrupt but Noah went on.

"Due to this, many of them agreed to vote for me when I decided to run for a school president as an independent candidate." Noah announced. "You might wonder why I did this. Simple. I did it to prove to people two things. First off, that this is a high school presidential election and that it has virtually no impact on anything whatsoever. Second, that democracy doesn't really work because the voters can easily be swayed by trivial things."

Gwen and Courtney tried to interrupt but found that they couldn't argue against him since he'd made a very solid point.

"Therefore, since democracy doesn't work I intend to govern like a sort of fascist dictator." Noah explained. "I even got myself a secret police by promising a lot of guys that I would give them free pictures of naked girls from this school if they worked for me."

Suddenly, twelve guys in military uniforms that resembled those of SS officers marched up to the stage and lined up horizontally behind Noah.

"Does anybody have any objections to this?" Noah asked.

Several people raised their hands.

"Very well." Noah replied. "Boys, kick their asses."

The twelve secret police students marched off the stage and began to beat up those who had raised their hands. Several students attempted to stop the secret police guys, but several other secret police guys entered the auditorium and began to crack down on them too.

"He can't do this!" Courtney yelled, indignant.

"I beg to differ!" Principal Hilter exclaimed. "Zis is awesome! I haven't been zis amused since Kristallnacht!"

The situation spiraled a bit out of control and in approximately, a huge riot broke out in the school. Desks, lockers and pretty much everything was either smashed, flipped over or set on fire. Several people were beaten up and the entire things became a huge disaster. However, nobody was expelled, since the entire community assumed that the whole thing was a commie plot and that it was all the Russians' fault.

"Jesus Christ!" Gwen yelled as she took refuge under the food bar at the cafeteria.

"Hey." Courtney said.

Gwen turned to face her friend, who was also hiding there as well.

"Are you OK?" Courtney asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"I'm OK." The brunette replied.

They remained in silence before they both spoke in unison.

"I'm sorry."

"I let things get out of hand." Gwen said.

"I was the one who pushed you to competition." Courtney apologized. "It was my fault."

"How about we say we're both guilty and leave it at that." Gwen said.

"Good enough for me." Courtney said. "Want to try and find a way out of this hellhole?"

"Sure."

At that point a flaming roll of toilet paper landed next to the girls, briefly startling them before regaining their cool.

"Or we can wait a bit under here." Gwen said.

"That sounds good."


End file.
